Insider Trader: Love is in the Air edition

FEB 6TH, 2009

Love will soon be in the air, and it's time you worked out your game plan. Chances are that it won't be just the city guards and leaders that will catch your eye (or eye socket).

Whether you're looking to reel someone in, set up a romantic excursion, or send an enemy a delicious surprise, you'll find that preparation is the key. This year, crafted items are the hot new trend. What better to say, "Darling, I can't get enough of the way your eyes puss" than with handmade?

First, you have to look the part. For all of you gents out there, I recommend seeking out a tailor for your very own Tuxedo Jacket,Tuxedo Pants, and coordinating Tuxedo Shirt. Alternatively, a Festival Suit will have you standing apart from the crowd, while a Colorful Kiltwill set up some easy access to um, cultural traditions.

For the gals, we have the lovely and sophisticated Festival Dress, or the elaborate and vaguely desperate White Wedding Dress. If you want to attract a different sort of attention, then try the Red Winter Clothes on for size! They aren't just for Winter Veil, and are snazzier than anything Victoria keeps secret.

Not your cup of tea? You could borrow your guy's Tuxedo Shirt, pull on a pair of Black Mageweave Leggings, and I guarantee all eyes will be on you.

If your lady has a for 2v2 roleplaying, never fear. There's the Red Lumberjack Shirt for those who like their men burly, and the White Bandit Mask to be your partner's hero. Remember the movie rule: a white costume makes you the good guy!

Finally, if you don't intend to participate in the festivities so much as you intend to make some gold from party-goers, and have a penchant for "refering" suitable escorts to "acquaintances," the Stylin' Purple Hatshould do the trick.

Of course, having the right duds is only part of your image makeover. If you don't feel manly enough, the Mechano-Hog should boost you up a few notches. If you find that your pick-up lines often result in your own bodily harm, try a Subtlety enchant to soften up your game.

If your looks still need improving after a Shave and a Haircut, why not try out a Striking enchant? It improves your looks and your face-slapping skills to boot!

Now that you're ready for some attention, you'll need to take some measures to ensure you don't find the wrong kind. The Dodge enchant is perfect for avoiding getting Shafted by a creepy suitor, as well as the "affections" bestowed upon you by angry ex-somethings.

The Gnomish Alarm-O-Bot is an excellent tool to pack, as you can set it to warn you of the approaching love-struck, jawless masses, and can later be reconfigured to help you avoid getting caught, er, interrupted, during your romantic adventures.

If you simply can't find a suitable date, why not try downing some ofCaptain Rumsey's Lager? Not only will it help you reel in some of the good fish from the sea, if they're all taken by the end of the night, at least you'll be singing showtunes by the lake instead of crying yourself to sleep by 9 p.m.

Of course, it isn't necessarily going to be you that needs work. How do you tell your date that he or she needs to spiff up without hurting some feelings (read: sleeping on the couch)? Why, just don't tell them of course!

Does your pretty little blood elf date laugh so often that you wish you'd brought Duct Tape (after all, it comes in festive reds andpinks)? Never fear! Just whip out your Voice Amplification Modulator and turn her volume down. Heck, while you're at it, why not give yourself a voice reminiscent of Barry White's?

If your partner is the stupid, insensitive type, throw them aWisdom enchant on the sly. Maybe you can have one evening where feet are on the floor instead of the mouth, unless of course, he or she says the magic word.

Has your Prince turned into a toad? Zap him with the Major Recombobulator and he'll be bowing down to you in no time!

There's nothing more romantic than a candlelit dinner, but choosing what to serve can be a real task. The Delicious Chocolate Cake is a classic option that is sure to spark fireworks, while the Tasty Cupcake is great for smoothing over any of your blunders.

Serving Egg Nog can loosen everyone up, although I advise using caution and moderation. Unless of course you feel like exacting vengeance, in which case as an added bonus, you can talk someone into drinking too much of it to deliver the type of "kick" he or she deserves.

Kungaloosh is another celebratory option, but you should remain seated while drinking. Failure to do so, or standing too quickly, could give you a rush for which you were not prepared!

Food is also a way to enhance your partner's natural talents, without being tactless. If he's a little on the small side, you can slip him a Gigantic Feast and he'll be a shorty no more. For a more localized, spot treatment, pour some Elixir of Giant Growth into his drink because many ladies secretly agree, bigger is just better.

Do you keep your fella on a short Rope Pet Leash? Let him off for one night, with a full belly of Kibler's Bits. I'm sure he'll behave, and the extra strength and stamina won't hurt either.

If your guy tends to fizzle out early, pass him some Goblin Rocket Fuel, for moments that last. If he's a tea junky, make it Thistle Tea. You'll be grateful for the extra energy later!

If that's still not enough, throw up a Major Stamina enchant for good measure.

As a main dish, why not try Worg Tartare? Not only is it a favorite delicacy, it also improves his aim.

If you two will be too busy eating to indulge in the Tartare, you can always try an Accuracy enchant.

If revenge is what you're planning on serving, try out a Small Feast on your ex-guy before he heads out that night for his hot date. Just tell him you want to reconcile, and he won't be suspicious. Haunted Herringshould be kept on-hand to instantly scare away your stalker, the Undercity guards, and bill collectors.

Can't quite woo her to the dinner table? Find a wallflower and offer to buy her a drink! She'll be so into the freebie that she won't notice the Free Action Potion mixed into it (hey guys, don't knock her because she's free).

Alternatively, if your date is a little unseemly, what with the perfumed rotting flesh and stare straight into my brain eyes, slip her some Living Action Potion. Gone are the days when you need to be so finicky. Undead gals can be desirable too!

Whatever you do, keep her away from the Bad Clams! They are not the same as oysters, and you really won't like her when she's angry.

Now that tummies are full, it's time to pull out the gifts to seal the deal. Choosing the right present can make the difference between whipping out thePygmy Oil and slapping on theTitanium Impact Choker, or spending the rest of the evening crying while Stinker chases tail.

If you can't think of anything personal, try handing her a Blue Glittering Axe. All females love glitter, right? Well, unless your date is Ellen Degeneres.

Many people also have a soft spot for furry companions, so why not surprise them with aMechanical Squirrel? Okay so it's not quite fluffy, but it makes those cute little faces.

You could consider putting on a show for her. Make her a Cluster Launcher and set off some Large Red Rocket Clusters, sure to dazzle her. If you have some extra time, launch a few Snake Burst Firework, because everyone loves a good innuendo. Be sure to wiggle your eyebrows when she looks back at you, to ensure that you understand each other.

If she likes jewelry, craft her an Eternium Rod to symbolize your love eternal and your um, fine craftsmanship. The Dawnstone Crab and theBlack Diamond Crab are comfortable, unique looking pieces, sure to please and sans the usual itching and discomfort.

If you'd like to make a bolder statement, why not give her Don Julio's Heart? Sure, gifted body parts didn't work so well for Van Gogh, but a heart is more romantic than an ear any day. Besides, it isn't your own heart, so if she isn't into it, no harm no foul.

Kailee's Rose is another fine option, although sometimes I get to pondering whether the name refers to a real rose, or is a bit more metaphorical. Fortunately, gals love gifts that make them think!

If you make it to the next stage, congratulations! Pat yourself on the back and pull out your utility kit, which should include at least some of the following:

1. The Dexterity enchant will give your fingers the magic touch.
2. The Riding Skill enchant is useful for riding her off into the sunset, and such.
   
3. Superior Mana Oil will make sure everything goes smoothly. Just a little dab'll do it!
4. Goblin Jumper Cables XL are useful if your date has a bum ticker.
   
5. The Discombobulator Ray is useful for confusing your date into thinking she had a good time, in case your potions and food buffs wear off at an inopportune moment.
6. Ladies should always tote around the materials for the Giant Slayerenchant, in case she bites off a little more than she can chew.
   
7. Is your date a bit of an Ogre? The Exceptional Resilience enchant will help you through the rough patches.
   

Above all, remember to play safe ladies and gents. Always at least ask for their name, and don't forget to pack your Potion of Curing, effective both on broken hearts and greener, itchier maladies.

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